How to make an aquaintance of a total stranger?

1 INTRODUCTION

Like it or not, you ain't going to succeed (BIG) in life if you don't start talking to strangers. Sometimes it takes a long time to develop an aquaintance with a stranger, sometimes it is quicker. In fact, when we were born we don't know anybody, including our mother. But we started talking to strangers and some of them became relatives, friends, girl/boy friends, co-workers, wives/husbands, fellow students, teachers, business associates, etc. because that's the position we chose to give them.

We had no problem establishing those contacts, because we never had an agenda while making those contacts. In other words we were relaxed. Now, when we do have a goal in a contact, the first thing to do is RELAX, take a deep breath, and affirm to yourself that "it's a piece of cake to contact people," or do something that relaxes you. Once you know that you are relaxed, here are some tips you could use as an ice breaker. I am assuming that a man is trying to contact another man, just to reduce the he-she duals. This composition is divided in to five sections. In Section 2, I discuss some "Ice Breakers." In Section 3, you will learn how to compliment a person. In Section 4, I discuss some techinques to continue a conversation, which I have used very effectively. Section 5 concludes the composition.

2 ICE BREAKERS

(i). Say, "Hi," with a smile. Please practice it in front of your bathroom mirror--saying Hi WITH the smile is the key. This is the most powerful ice breaker ever invented. The advanced course is "Hi, how are you doing!" If he smiles or says "hi" or replies, then you have a chance. On the other hand, if you see that "there is nobody home!" you can't do anything with him. If it is positive, compliment him immediately. See Section 3 on Complimenting for tips.

(ii) Starting with a question or a statement. There are several questions you can ask or comments you can make without being threatening. Some of them are,

• "Do you have the time?,"

• "That's a good book. (if you are in a library or book store),"

• "Excuse me, are you from Hawaii? (works well if he's wearing some Hawaiian stuff, even summer clothes),"

• "I like this store. (if you are in a peculiar store, or a store in a remote area),"

• "Pretty day, isn't it? (works well esp. if it is a dull day)"

(iii) Funny and esoteric. Be careful, what's funny to you may not be funny to everybody. It may sound unnatural, but do **smile** on your own joke. Some specifics.

• Get close and when she notices say with a thrill, "I thought *I* look like some one *you* know." Wait for his answer. Employ complimenting (Section 3) or Continuing Conversation (Section 4).

• "Are you an actor? Didn't you act in one of the movies I directed?" If he says "No," then tell him, "Great. I am not a director either. So this is really the first time we meet (smile)."

• In a supermarket, or any store, where people use carts to shop, "I am a professional cart pusher here, and it is free for sharp people."

(iv) Starting off with a compliment. The compliments you are going to start with can be seen in Section 3. It works all the time to get a response. So don't take it as a positive reaction. That's why it is best to start off with a simple "Hi" or a funny statement and then go to complimenting. In starting with a compliment, always end that with a question which will look like you are just looking for information. "That a great tie, where did you get it?" and go from there.

3 COMPLIMENTS

Let's face it -- every one of us is starving for sincere compliments. If you are at work, you are looking for recognition. Don't you feel better if some one at work tells you that you are wearing a very colorful shirt? Now you want to tell him that, it was your mother's present for Christmas last year, and you gave her a pretty nice ear-ring and the whole story about your father falling down three times in the snow while your nephews and nieces laughed. Why not give the same sense of recognition to everybody you meet, irrespective of if you like them or not--Why?--at which point the compliments start becoming sincere. Very important, you are filling a need, you are feeding a starved mind--you will be welcome everywhere.

The first point in complimenting is to compliment the *attribute* of the person, and not the person herself. Secondly, be specific -- "the tie looks perfect on you," rather than "you are perfect." Thirdly, compliment on what they have control over. It makes them feel that you notice them are interested in them. I always liked, "You are very articulate -- you seem to know what you are talking about. Which school did you go to?," thus leading the conversation (See Section 4). Finally, complimenting on something that is often overlooked is often appreciated. Now to some specific tips.

• "That's a neatly tailored suit. Did you buy it or have it custom made?"

• "Your (shopping) cart is the most organized one I have ever seen. Do you shop here often?"

• "That's wonderful hair-do. You must be taking very good care of it. How much time does it take to make it this beautiful?"

• "That's a great car. How long have you had it?"

• "Are those real nails? You finger nails are manicured perfectly. Are they professionally done?"

This is where most people are breathing short, unless the other person is a good conversationist. You don't have to be a great conversationist, you just have to be a good question-asker and a *great* (active) listener. In fact, listening actively is the best compliment you can give anybody. Do not cut or change the subject until you sense that the he is done, or he is bored. Notice that in the Complimenting section, I had ended each compliment with a question. Questions--that's where you make or break the contact. Somebody said, if the weather is predictable in the US, many people would not have anything to talk about. I wish to add sports to that. In order to help me remember what to talk about, I use the acronym
STRAPE
S: Schooling--education, what is he/are you studying?
T: Time--how do we spend the spare time, reading? movie? TV?
R: Recreation--sports (tennis, chess) other for-fun things
A: Associates--Workers (where does he work?), friends, family
P: Place--where does he live? Any places travelled.
E: Expansion--you are expanding your business.

Once you STRAPEd him (grr...!), make the point that he's great & you want to know more about him ("I would really like to get to know you more. We should get together sometime over a cup of coffee."). Finally, you volunteer your phone number to him and ASK for his number. Please *ask* for the number otherwise you, probably, are not going to get it. ("P" also stands for Phone!!) You can ask his phone number in various ways, and test his interest simultaneously.

Direct approach.

• "Here is my number. What's yours?"

• "Here is my number, you can call me any time--I have an answering machine. Do you have a machine? BTW: What's your number?"

• "How can I get hold of you?"

• "What is the best way to reach you?" (he might give you his email)

• "Is your name in the phone book?"

• "Would you mind if I call you at work?"

• "Is there an evening number where I can reach you?"

You, only you, are going to make a contact for yourself. Well, it is true that I am not comfortable meeting with strangers either. But the prize is too big not to do it--the best person you will ever want to be in your business is lurking around somewhere. Maybe he too doesn't know how to strike up a conversation with a stranger, who could very well change his financial situation.

Compliment five people a day. Don't expect anything in return. You will see that it brightens your day. When your day is bright you can make the acquaintance of anybody you come in contact with. Just say something good about them and watch how happy they are. I am not here to preach; but if you are sincere about your compliments, God will put the person you are looking for in front of you.

Practice, practice, practice--the ultimate tool in conquering fear. Remember when you accost someone you really don't know if he's looking When he says, "no," most of the time he is not saying no to you, but to your approach. Thank God for that. You can change your approach (and yourself too, if necessary--make yourself approachable, friendly, and clean) through practice. Be confident and go for it. Believe that you can do it, that's 98% of the work right there. This composition gives you certain techniques, which make up the other 2% of what it takes for successful acquaintance building.